Have you ever seen the film He’s Just Not That Into You?
Well consider me in the role of Gigi. I am in the dating game, meeting all sorts of men but I am yet to find my Alex – the ultimate dating adviser…
Without such a guru to advise me each step of the way, the dating game is one of total confusion, guessing games and foul play! Just like the film, most of the men I have dated display all the tell tale signs that should be avoided… The mixed signals, the lack of effort, the complicated exes and the lack of commitment.
One of my first online dates was with a country bloke at the peak of summer, he seemed genuine enough when we spoke but he lived a fair distance away. For our first date, we arranged to meet halfway and have a meal at a sweet little village pub. Conversation flowed and we both had some knowledge of each other’s interests and hobbies; rugby, animals, work. It was a given that by the end of the date we wanted to see each other again. We made plans to have home cooked dinner at his place and go to the pub for a couple of drinks. Consider this suggestion for a date as sign number one.
The anticipation for the second date built quickly. Just before departing to go to his, I received a message, he suggested we get a takeaway because he couldn’t be bothered to cook. After explaining that I’m not a fussy eater and dinner didn’t need to be Michelin star, he agreed to cook. Consider this sign number two.
It was a fair drive from mine to his and by the time I arrived it was glorious sunshine on a Saturday afternoon. I pulled up on the gravel drive to a picturesque pink cottage sat amongst rolling hills. The place was breathtaking; a true country view. Yet, there opening the door stood my date, in his worn out t-shirt and old trackies… take this as sign number three.
As it was a beautiful afternoon, we took the dogs out for a stroll together around the meadows. Upon our return, he cooked me a quick seafood stir fry before putting his feet up in front of the TV. The previous offer of going to the local pub for a couple of drinks was soon whipped off the table once his behind reached the sofa. Still keeping count? This is sign number four.
There’s no need to describe the rest of this date any further, I think it’s obvious what type of date he was and what kind of relationship it would become. Don’t mistake this as me expecting the world and more by date two, but would it be too much to ask he dress in a shirt and jeans, demonstrate the culinary skills he had already bragged about and have a tidy home, rather than all the dirty washing draped everywhere and the week’s worth of dishes sitting in the sink. It’s safe to say that not long after date three, I explained to him that the lack of effort and distance had brought me to the conclusion that it definitely wasn’t what I wanted.
The irony now is that he has regrets in not making enough effort and missing the opportunity for us to continue dating. The plus side for me is that, through his lack of effort, I got to see the side that most usually hide until you’re a few months down the line and already committing. The dating game is the game of signs. I’m not saying overthink every single possible thing, but don’t be a Gigi and confuse or deny the signs as something other than what they are.