“Expect the unexpected” – one of my boyfriend’s favourite phrases. Yes, the new man in my life likes to remind me of his spontaneity on a regular basis. This phrase being a prime example. However, I’m becoming a firm believer that expectations can be very dangerous things, as endearing as they may seem. If I was to actually expect the unexpected then the possibilities are endless, my hopes become heightened further than the stratosphere, and I can tell you that it’s a long way back down! But, before we explore this any further, let me paint the full picture by taking you back 8 months to a time where I found myself back on the singleton market after a 5 and a half year tired relationship…
I decided to hit the dating scene rather quickly after breaking up with my long term ex-boyfriend. I think that the break up was so overdue that I had already gotten over it before the official ‘uncoupling’ had happened. After a few escapades, I found myself talking to an attractive, funny guy on Tinder. (Yes Tinder, not my finest hour but sometimes it has got to be done). As conversation flowed freely, we then exchanged numbers and text almost non-stop all day every day about anything and everything. The foundation of our chats mostly being his adventurous days out and me training my young horse.
As more texts went back and forth (with him ticking many boxes for me as we went), we finally arranged our first date. It was all very easy; no pressure, no tension, easy flowing conversation. Even though I was listening to everything he said, I must admit that I was so taken by him that I found myself feeling rather distracted… I’d be surprised if I wasn’t physically drooling whilst sat opposite him in the restaurant!
By the end of our second date, I realised that I thoroughly enjoyed his company but I wasn’t ready for more and thought best to walk now rather than waste anyone’s time. In the weeks that followed, I explained to him that he’ll be residing in the friend zone. This seemed to go down like a lead balloon, but to his credit, he persevered and a friendship is what we had.
Until one night out in December, I was supposed to be on a first date with a new prospect, but he was as flaky as filo pastry! Instead, I ended up on a night out with Mr Expect the Unexpected. I met his siblings and their partners and other friends of his. As the night progressed, the catalyst to the start of our relationship happened. Within 24 hours, this guy had got me. One kiss on the dancefloor, a night of cuddles in my bed, a day of walking the dogs on the beach and a night in front of the TV sharing a home cooked meal. Then there it was, a possible new future before me.
I cannot describe how it happened, because I’m not really sure myself. In the first moment, I was cool, casual, fun and single, in the next moment all my walls had come down, I was vulnerable, needy and suddenly falling for someone I had come to spend my Sunday nights in with over the last 6 months.
You have to give it to him. Two dates. Many Sunday nights in with a film and food, then BOOM, one kiss and a walk on the beach and I’m hooked and wondering when he’s going to make me his. The change was literally overnight.
As far as he was concerned, I was independent with apparent commitment issues. I think that maybe through his fear of me running in the opposite direction, he offers me the space and time I need to take things slowly and not rush.
We have two weeks of blissful dates. But this was all I could manage before demanding we are exclusive and we put a label on it. I had enough reason to be this demanding, my feelings were growing stronger for him by the hour, I was being chased by previous lovers and possible future prospects. Plus the confusion of not knowing where I stood in this dating game was beginning to get to me and I never was good at the game of Limbo. I had already committed myself to him, so the next step seemed obvious…
Men are simple creatures apparently. They love the chase and the appeal but sometimes maintenance can become an issue. I wouldn’t mind feeling Anastasia Steele at times, sitting on the side-lines waiting for my moment in his arms if I was on the arm of Christian Grey! However, it has to be said that I’m the kind of girl who will either throw herself full pelt into love or exit the situation just as fast.
The very irony of it is, I went from being in a tiny bubble of a very tired relationship with my ex where no one existed except me and him, to finding someone who is fun, happy, secure and independent.
Surely, that’s what I was after, right?